source: www.ahajokes.com

Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.

Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.

Biological Science: A contradiction in terms.

Bunsen Burner: A device invented by Robert Bunsen (1811-1899) for brewing coffee in the laboratory, thereby enabling the chemist to be poisoned without having to go all the way to the company cafeteria.

Butyl: An unpleasant-sounding word denoting an unpleasant-smelling alcohol.

CAI: Acronym for "Computer-Aided Instruction". The modern system of training professional scientists without ever exposing them to the hazards and expense of laboratory work. Graduates of CAI-based programs are very good at simulated research.

Cavendish: A variety of pipe tobacco that is reputed to produce remarkably clear thought processes, and thereby leads to major scientific discoveries; hence, the name of a British research laboratory where the tobacco is smoked in abundance.

Chemical: A substance that:
1. An organic chemist turns into a foul odor;
2. an analytical chemist turns into a procedure;
3. a physical chemist turns into a straight line;
4. a biochemist turns into a helix;
5. a chemical engineer turns into a profit.

Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.

Chromatography: (From Gr. chromo [color] + graphos [writing]) The practice of submitting manuscripts for publication with the original figures drawn in non-reproducing blue ink.

Clinical Testing: The use of humans as guinea pigs. (See also PHARMACOLOGY and TOXICOLOGY)

Compound: To make worse, as in: 1) A fracture; 2) the mutual adulteration of two or more elements.

Computer Resources: The major item of any budget, allowing for the acquisition of any capital equipment that is obsolete before the purchase request is released.

Eigen Function: The use to which an eigen is put.

En: The universal bidentate ligand used by coordination chemists. For years, efforts were made to use ethylene-diamine for this purpose, but chemists were unable to squeeze all the letters between the corners of the octahedron diagram. The timely invention of en in 1947 revolutionized the science.

Evaporation Allowance: The volume of alcohol that the graduate students can drink in a year's time.

Exhaustive Methylation: A marathon event in which the participants methylate until they drop from exhaustion.

First Order Reaction: The reaction that occurs first, not always the one desired. For example, the formation of brown gunk in an organic prep.

Flame Test: Trial by fire. Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what engineers have been doing informally all along.

Grignard: A fictitious class of compounds often found on organic exams and never in real life.

Inorganic Chemistry: That which is left over after the organic, analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.

Mercury: (From L. Mercurius, the swift messenger of the gods) Element No. 80, so named because of the speed of which one of its compounds (calomel, Hg2Cl2) goes through the human digestive tract. The element is perhaps misnamed, because the gods probably would not be pleased by the physiological message so delivered.

Monomer: One mer. (Compare POLYMER).

Natural Product: A substance that earns organic chemists fame and glory when they manage to systhesize it with great difficulty, while Nature gets no credit for making it with great ease.

Organic Chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.

Partition Function: The function of a partition is to protect the lab supervisor from shrapnel produced in laboratory explosions.

Pass/Fail: An attempt by professional educators to replace the traditional academic grading system with a binary one that can be handled by a large digital computer.

Pharmacology: The use of rabbits and dogs as guinea pigs. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, TOXICOLOGY).

Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.

Pilot Plant: A modest facility used for confirming design errors before they are built into a costly, full-scale production facility.

Polymer: Many mers. (Compare MONOMERS).

Prelims: (From L. pre [before] + limbo [oblivion]) An obligatory ritual practiced by graduate students just before the granting of a Ph.D. (if the gods are appeased) or an M.S. (if they aren't).

Publish or Perish: The imposed, involuntary choice between fame and oblivion, neither of which is handled gracefully by most faculty members.

Purple Passion: A deadly libation prepared by mixing equal volumes of grape juice and lab alcohol.

Quantum Mechanics: A crew kept on the payroll to repair quantums, which decay frequently to the ground state.

Rate Equations: (Verb phrase) To give a grade or a ranking to a formula based on its utility and applicability. H=E, for example, applies to everything everywhere, and therefore rates an A. pV=nRT, on the other hand, is good only for nonexistent gases and thus receives only a D+, but this grade can be changed to a B- if enough empirical virial coefficients are added.

Research: (Irregular noun) That which I do for the benefit of humanity, you do for the money, he does to hog all the glory.

Sagan: The international unit of humility.

Scientific Method: The widely held philosophy that a theory can never be proved, only disproved, and that all attempts to explain anything are therefore futile.

SI: Acronym for "Systeme Infernelle".

Spectrophotometry: A long word used mainly to intimidate freshman nonmajors.

Spectroscope: A disgusting-looking instrument used by medical specialists to probe and examine the spectrum.

Toxicology: The wholesale slaughter of white rats bred especially for that purpose. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, PHARMACOLOGY).

X-Ray Diffraction: An occupational disorder common among physicians, caused by reading X-ray pictures in darkened rooms for prolonged periods. The condition is readily cured by a greater reliance on blood chemistries; the lab results are just as inconclusive as the X-rays, but are easier to read.

Ytterbium: A rare and inconsequential element, named after the village of Ytterby, Sweden (not to be confused with Iturbi, the late pianist and film personality, who was actually Spanish, not Swedish). Ytterbium is used mainly to fill block 70 in the periodic table. Iturbi was used mainly to play Jane Powell's father.

i like this poem...

LIFE IN A FISH BOWL

I still couldn't believe I'm already in my final year in college. Today's my first day as a senior student. It was like yesterday when I first entered NDMU. I was so new to the institution then. I was so afraid that I may not be able to cope up with the college life. But here I am now after seven semesters (that includes six regular semesters and one summer classes) of being enrolled in this institution, still surviving. I just wish I can still make it this year.

Still, I have the same fears as a student. Will I survive in my observation and student teaching subjects? Will I be able to pass our peer teaching? Will I survive with my "quite stiff" schedule? Can I live up with the things that are expected of me as a senior education student?

What I have now is a prayer. I just hope I can make it with His guidance and help.

My summer vacation will end soon. Next week, the classes for the first semester of my fourth year in college will start already. Though I find my break too short, I could say that this is one of the best summer vacations I have had. If you'd ask me why, I'd say it's because of the people that I've met these past few months with the travels I had. I guess the gift of friendship is the best thing that I got this summer. I really am blessed to have met friends from my trip to Cebu City (for Pathways Youth Conference and Democracy Summer Fest) and Maguindano (for ELSA Young Leaders Camp). Also, I'm glad I have come across some people who have become my pals and have a chance of getting to know more about some acquaintances through my side trips in Davao City, Sarangani and GenSan City.

Overjoyed with what I have gained this summer, I tried to look for a poem about friendship that could inspire me. Surprisingly, I found a poem which I can relate to and  I believe perfectly describes me and what I used to feel before I've found some of my friends this vacation.

The Dummy

by Michael Mack

In that forgotten part of town
Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,
A wrinkled man with life near end,
In hopes to have at least one friend,
Fashioned bits of wood and things
And made a dummy run by strings.

He sat alone for hours on end,
Conversing with his only friend
And found delight within the fact
That he controlled it's every act.
He told it how he never had
A chance, since all his luck was bad
Although he'd tried so to succeed -
The dummy nodded and agreed.

And how his journeys in romance
Had never given him a chance,
And wasn't it a crying shame
That he was always held to blame
When everyone knew, oh so well,
That life is but a living Hell,
Controlled by lust and power and greed?
The dummy nodded and agreed.

With patience that would rival saints,
That dummy sat through all complaints
And, with each little expert tug,
He'd droop his head or bow or shrug
And give some comfort to the man
Who held his lifelines in his hand
And helped to fill a lonely need
When he just nodded and agreed.

Senility increased with time
As did the old man's phantomime,
And feverish fingers pulled with glee
The dummy's dance of misery.
They never left each other's side
Until the day both stopped and died.
We found them lying, hand in hand,
The dummy - and his wooden friend.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

- Mark Twain-

Since I want become really happy today and forget the not-so-good things that happened to me earlier I will try to laugh and make other people laugh with me... I hope you will enjoy this… and maybe relate with it... I got this from Funny.com.

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR:

You know the book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

English 44A

SMU

Creative Writing

Prof. Miller

In class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. And now, the Assignment as submitted by

Rebecca & Gary:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...". But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?", she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu-udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu-udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Asshole.

Bitch.

Hahaha! I'm so happy that it's already weekend. This only means one thing – REST. Well, you can't blame me if I'm too excited that it's already Saturday. You see a 6-day class a week is quite exhausting. I guess I deserve a break after working hard <yeah I've been working hard!> this week...

I have read a joke from AHA!jokes.com. I think I did the right thing. I started my rest by laughing at this school joke. I feel lighter now. I also wish to share it with you. I hope you'll enjoy it.

The following are only learned from college

• Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.

• Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.

• Showers become less important.

• Sleep becomes more important.

• Two meals a day are standard. One for some!

• Recycling becomes synonymous with laundry ("Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas...there's only a *little* bit of mud on them...").

• 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class (not that this is anything really new).
  
  

• If the lecture hall is big enough, get someone else's notes.

• You begin to nap again (also not new).

• our bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.

• Isn't it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?

• Labs used to be fun.

• E-mail becomes your second language.

• You never realized so many people are smarter than you.

• You never realized so many people are dumber than you.

• Roadtrip whenever possible

• Pick up all new lingo.

• College girls are the same as high school girls, just with more freedom...and no curfew.
  
  

• It was never this bad when you got sick.

• You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.

• Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.

• Disney movies are more than just classics.

• You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.

• Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.

• You'll drink anything if it's free..
  
  

• People still cheat, it's just more technologically advanced

• You get really good with excuses for skipping class.

• TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.

• Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.

• You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies.

• You don't have to cover your textbooks anymore.

• You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, girls, activities, work, parties...
  
  

• People that were geeks in high school seem okay now.

• You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not (usually not).

• Procrastination becomes an art.

• Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires

• The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.

• Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.
  
  

• Going to the mini-mart is a major treat.

• You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.

• Classes: the later the better.

• The cute girls actually talk to you now.

• You just don't learn last names.

• Card games never lasted for hours before.

• Vacuuming happens every semester, if you get around to it.
  
  

• People who never talked to you in high school are now your best friends when you come home.

• It's amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.

• People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material.

• Dishes aren't dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and/or mold in them.

• Printers only break down when you desperately need them.

• Your life will never be the same again.

It's been a long time since I posted my first entry. I have always wanted to write here but I didn’t have a chance. I was quite busy these past few days...

It’s only Monday but I feel that it's already weekend. I’m super tired already. The class for this week is just starting but I’m already wishing that it would be Saturday soon. It’s only the first day but I’m already tasked to make a report about the deprivation of Basic Social Services to Filipino people. Isn’t it a heavy topic to make for the first day of class for this week? < I’m losing a great amount of blood now because of nose bleeding.>

Hay! I really wish I could find the needed matter now. I’m sitting here in front of the computer browsing for almost two hours already but I don’t think the information I have obtained is already sufficient.

Well, my break’s over. I have to get back to work now. Good luck to me!

 I have a blog finally. I was invited several times by a friend to make one but I always tell him I am not into writing. However, when a lot of my pals started to own one, I felt I should have one, too.  See the power of peer pressure? <smiling>

Well, I won't say it is because of my friends' influence alone. Partly, it is. At first, I thought of making one because they are all into it. Yet, later on I saw how writing in blogs made a difference to them. I witnessed how my friends became more productive through this. Well, I am not saying that they're not  like that then but I would say that through this, they have become more creative in spending their idle time. Instead of talking about people and events, they are now into writing ideas, insights and stories. I was able to take a look at the different side of them as I read their articles. I was able to get to know them better. So with high hopes to see the same changes it has done to them, I decided to make one. I want to do something good out of my spare time and I desire to become reflective like them. I also hope to be heard and understood.

What can I say? I don't think I regret that I was influenced by them. As I write this article, which is obviously the first entry, I can't help but feel excited. Well, they were right. Thanks to them. Well, just want to tell them "Ehem! Guys I already have a blog."