Four days ago, I did what every teacher dread of doing in the class. I had a breakdown. I tried my best not to, but I could'nt help it. My emotion's that strong that my will to refuse from crashing failed me. My students have reached the limit of my patience and so I've said words and did things that were not supposed to be uttered and done in a classroom... And I was guilty but I want to keep my pride... So after a long time, I again started hating students... And it didn't feel good especially that they belong to my favorite class.

I really thought this would never last. I was even imagining the worst scenarios in this remaining days of the school year. I would prepare for my daily revenge and they would plot things against me - a day-to-day struggle until graduation. Fortunately, it won't be like that for the rest of the days for they have asked for forgiveness already... and so did I. SORRY was the magic word to forget that nightmare...I'm really happy. I just hope things will get better.

Fixations are really something I'm afraid of. I hate being defeated by my own weakness. When it's my self control that fails me, everything's just falling apart.

For months, I have been working for the recovery of my health. I had too much stress and  countless diseases before that I ended up like a zombie - a living dead. Gaining weight has become a long-term goal for me but as time passes, it seems impossible to achieve it. It appears like the very small hope I have is diminishing because I just can't keep myself away from the computer all night. I just got this addiction to Cabal Online. I tried to stop playing for more than a month but I really can't help it. When pressures from around me starts to pop up, I feel the need to look for an outlet and I find it as the best means.

At night when I enter the world of Cabal, travel to the Desert Scream, Green Despair or Bloody Ice, I leave all my worries behind me in the real world... and I really feel good because even in a small fraction of time, I was able to escape my problems. Imagine bullying somebody, hitting someone, feeling superior over others is super comforting and consoling knowing in that in reality it is I who is bullied, hit and discriminated. But as I sign out, it's like I'm being sucked in a warp where I end up in reality facing a real mess. Stressors still wait for me (and it's me again playing my role in life) and that it's morning already and I have no choice but to live to that new day again... a new day with the same worries and concerns but more acute health problems.

Nights are sleepless then because I am stressed or sick.. Nights are still sleepless now because of the same reasons plus... the fact that I'm an addict (to Cabal only).

This was quite a day… Almost everyone was out for the Confirmation. Though there are still others who were there in the class, it just didn't feel the same. There was something lacking. I just can't seem to laugh in the same way that I used to when I was with them. Plus, the people who were there just made me upset. Their inattention was simply annoying…

My colleague has been crying this morning because her son was missing since last night. Everyone was worried about this news. How could a 6-yr old boy disappear just like that? The entire village where they live, hospitals, police station and who knows where else was checked just to find him. Fortunately, just this lunchtime he was found to be waiting for someone to pick him up in some barrio in Sultan Kudarat province. He happened to reach such a place for an unknown reason.

I’m really amazed on how Manny Pacquiao could influence the people here in Marbel. When it’s his fight, every Marbel household (if not every Filipino household) would drop their own personal affairs just to watch and cheer for him. And for now, his inevitable exchange of blows with Oscar dela Hoya is very much anticipated by the populace. I was even flabbergasted this morning when I found out that our Family Day and Card Day which was scheduled on Sunday is postponed for the fear that nobody would come and attend the said events because every family would prefer staying at homes and watch the fight. Well, I’m secretly celebrating. Though I’m not a fan of the boxing sport or of the two boxers, I am looking forward to witness the match of dela Hoya and Pacquiao.

Speaking of witnessing a fist fight, I was stunned with my students this morning. A boy and a girl in my class had a brawl and I saw how the two of them throw punches on each other. My other students were shouting Pacquiao and dela Hoya as if they were actually watching a boxing match and betting on who’s going to win. I really can’t believe they would do that in the class even in front of me. I really felt insulted for they didn’t respect my presence in the class. I felt bad knowing that because of a very petty reason (they were simply teasing, as they explained to me later), they ended up with a record at the Prefect’s Office and faces with bluish bruises. Again, I failed managing the class well. That makes me want to throw punches on the thin air.

I can't wait until its evening so that I'll have time entering Edward Cullen's world again.

Filipinos are really fond of basketball. They would die for that game. As for my students in my advisory class, it’s the be all and end all of everything.

Last week, every morning I would deliver a litany to my class… about what? It’s about them not cleaning the room. The cleaners would always escape especially the boys for they would play basketball. That made me irritated with the game.

However, I learned yesterday from their PE teacher that there will be an interclass competition in basketball among the year 7 students. I know very well that this is what my students have been longing for. So I had an idea.

This morning, I reminded them of their cleaning assignment. I blackmailed them by telling them I’d advise their PE teacher not to allow them to play the sport unless they clean the room first. And so they did… So that was it! Compromise is the game…

Since they cooperated, I decided to support them in their competition I came to watch their game with St. Jerome class. I cheered like hell there. I had my voice diminishing. But it was all worth it. I had witnessed a great game wherein my Teresanians won… and I had seen them change for that game. J

Why do we cry when we fail? Is it because we fall short of our expectations?

Why do we keep on expecting? Is it because we always set standards? Is it because we know we give?

Why do we continue giving? Is it because we love? Isn't it selfish to love and expect something in return?

I heard someone say that the bad thing about kindness and giving is that, we think we ought to give back whatever act of kindness we receive.... The same thing goes to those who give, we also hope that we will get something in return.

All I ever wanted was to see my students get good grades... I'm giving everything for them... Am I selfish to expect them to fair better in my class?

i don't know what to do next...

should i attend the solidarity night and forget about the pasundayag? or shoud i miss tonight's party for that show?

but i'm glad this intramural is about to end... i just want to have rest and play cabal..(: ))

This is quite silly... I got this from funny.com.

These are products of my attempts to create an artwork. The following are posters I made for the bulletin board of my classroom.

This is a poster I made to celebrate the Nutrition Month.