Fixations are really something I'm afraid of. I hate being defeated by my own weakness. When it's my self control that fails me, everything's just falling apart.

For months, I have been working for the recovery of my health. I had too much stress and  countless diseases before that I ended up like a zombie - a living dead. Gaining weight has become a long-term goal for me but as time passes, it seems impossible to achieve it. It appears like the very small hope I have is diminishing because I just can't keep myself away from the computer all night. I just got this addiction to Cabal Online. I tried to stop playing for more than a month but I really can't help it. When pressures from around me starts to pop up, I feel the need to look for an outlet and I find it as the best means.

At night when I enter the world of Cabal, travel to the Desert Scream, Green Despair or Bloody Ice, I leave all my worries behind me in the real world... and I really feel good because even in a small fraction of time, I was able to escape my problems. Imagine bullying somebody, hitting someone, feeling superior over others is super comforting and consoling knowing in that in reality it is I who is bullied, hit and discriminated. But as I sign out, it's like I'm being sucked in a warp where I end up in reality facing a real mess. Stressors still wait for me (and it's me again playing my role in life) and that it's morning already and I have no choice but to live to that new day again... a new day with the same worries and concerns but more acute health problems.

Nights are sleepless then because I am stressed or sick.. Nights are still sleepless now because of the same reasons plus... the fact that I'm an addict (to Cabal only).